"Give it to God"

***Originally posted on cregarstyle on August 19, 2014***

For those of you who grew up in the Christian faith or have spent any time around it, you have probably heard the phrase "give it to God," or something similar at least a handful of times.  These four words can make my skin tighten in an instant and make my blood boil.  It's silly, I know, but it happens.  I did not grow up with an active prayer life, and am still struggling with prayer as an adult (more on that some other time).  As a human being, especially one in the first 4 years of my faith, I constantly struggle with the idea that I cannot handle everything myself.  I pride myself on being a very strong and independent woman so to hear the words "give it to God" implies that I can't handle something.  That is one HARD pill to swallow.  Lots of times I find myself being so angry with God for whatever situation I am in that I actively do everything EXCEPT give my problems over to him.

This week has so far been one of the worst weeks in our household in recent history.  Thankfully, everyone is healthy, we haven't lost any friends or family, our puppy is still the most precious thing, we have a strong and happy marriage, and we still have food on the table.  Let me just take a minute to thank God for providing us all that we have in this life, because for this being such an awful time, we still have so much to be grateful for and life is never really that bad because we have Christ in our hearts.

However, certain individuals in our lives have made decisions that strongly impact our family without as much as considering how we might feel about those choices.  I realize that this is "the real world" and it is not necessarily always going to be easy breezy (beautiful covergirl...oh wait) all the time, but sometimes life can really pelt you with those lemons at a pretty alarming rate.

For the first time in my life the first thing I did this morning (after waking up and realizing the bad day did not end yesterday, but continued into today) was kiss my sweet husband goodbye on his way to work and hop back in bed with my puppy for some quiet prayer time.  I even surprised myself.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have prayed out of frustration, and all but today's have been after much coaxing from my husband and lots of dragging my feet.  This morning I prayed for my husband, my marriage, myself, and (through gritting teeth) for those who's choices have put us in this situation.

As my day went on, lemons were still firing full speed at me and I felt myself boil over in rage.  Not one of my finer qualities, but I'm human.  I called Aaron to find out his day was not any better and I hung up feeling helpless, frustrated, angry, and with a heart full of hate.  In another shocking first, I did not throw or break anything, but quietly walked to the office to grab my Bible and search for a recipe for lemonade.  After skimming a few pages I landed in Ephesians 4.  Below are the verses from the chapter that stood out to me.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthing of the calling you have received. (4:1)

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. (4:7)

In your anger do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (4:26-27)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgive each other, just as Christ God forgave you. (4:31-32)

I sat back after reading those words and thought on our week.  We, as Christ followers, have the responsibility to act in God's image.  We were made in his image and we are expected to continue his work here on earth in his absence.  Our anger toward these individuals is not something that shows them God's love, grace, mercy or forgiveness.  As much as I want to be an angry person right now, God wants me to act in a way that would make him proud.

It is important for me to remember that I am a child of the King and because of that, I am held to a higher standard.  Simply because I am angry (no matter how angry), I do not have a free pass to sin.  My anger, frustration, and rage only allows the devil an open opportunity to wreck more havoc on my life.  It is like my mother tells me, "just kill them with kindness."  People who have wronged you intentionally are very much aware of it and typically expect to get a reaction from you.  If you react with kindness not only are you following God's chosen path for your life, but you are shutting out the devil and the people who are interfering with your life.  However, this tactic is about as easy to swallow as "giving it to God."

Sometimes I get angry with God because he lets bad things happen to me, or my family.  Like this week I was thinking "Lord, if I am your child why do you let people treat our family like this?  If you loved me you would protect us from these horrible people and their actions."  A lot of times when I pray I expect God to snap his fingers and solve our problems.  That isn't how he works.  And because he doesn't work that way I tend to think he's not working on my problems or not hearing my prayers.  Today, however, he opened my eyes and heart to just how much he is listening.  Yes, my week is still awful, and has very little chance of turning around soon, but do you know what?  Just today I have done 2 things I thought I would never voluntarily do out of anger: pray and read my Bible.  God is taking my life and my hardships and using them as a teaching moment for me.  He is showing me that I can "give it to God" and he will answer me, even if it isn't how I expected it.  He is working to solve my issues and is listening to my prayers.  He is working on improving my week by softening my heart and encouraging me to remember that he made all of us and no one is better than the other.  He is reminding me that no matter how badly someone may hurt me or my family, I am to forgive them because that is what Jesus did.  He is showing me that strength and independence doesn't mean I don't need help.  In fact I believe that he is choosing not to snap his fingers and solve my problems because of my strength and independence.

So while the phrase "give it to God" may still make me tense up and clench my fists, He is slowly breaking down that wall and allowing me to soften my heart and both ask for, and accept help.  He is a great and awesome God who loves everyone and sees the good in everyone.  I need to find the good in these people and continue leaning on God for his help, love, guidance, and strength.  Until then...