Champion or Chumpion?

***Originally posted on cregarstyle on December 15, 2014***

As a child I was an incredibly active individual, almost without even realizing it.  I swam on a year round travel team from a young age and practiced a minimum of 6 days/week and as many as 10 practices/week when I was involved in both competitive swimming and water polo.  When you are a kid you aren't worrying about counting calories in vs. calories out, or how many steps you've taken in a day.  I wasn't the skinniest of all my friends, but I was fit, active, healthy, and could eat ice cream without worrying.  Ahhh bliss!  Although it wasn't bliss, because silly high school me, and early college me, thought I was fat!

Summer after my HS senior year...about to eat ice cream

Summer between my HS junior and senior years with my brother and mom.

HS junior year before our charity dance with friend, Olivia.

HS junior year before our winter semi-formal with Olivia.

HS graduation day, June 12, 2008!

I opted not to go to college for a specific sport because I wanted to focus my time and energy on school instead of mandatory practices and being expected to preform at a certain level.  What I didn't know was that the added pressure of sports, combined with normal parental expectations, is what kept me getting good grades, staying fit, and maintaining motivation in high school.

A lot of students thrive in college because they have freedom to make their own choices.  However, a lot of students also struggle because of that same freedom.  Now, I won't say that I failed, but I certainly had my share of struggles when it came to my new found freedom.  I had no one telling me to go to bed at 10 because I had to get a good night's rest for school.  No one telling me to study harder for my test.  No one driving me to, or asking me about, swim practice to ensure that I was getting enough physical activity, and no coaches "forcing" me to do swim sets, and dryland training, that I would have otherwise copped out of.  There is something to be said for structure, and I am definitely someone who benefits from it.

I had never had to consciously work out to stay in good shape.  At age 8 I ran a 5k on a whim with no training simply because my brother was doing it and it looked like fun.  That race I ran my first mile in less than 7 minutes, and even though my pace slowed over the next 2.1 miles, I ran the entire race.

As an adult, working out is a chore.  It is another thing on the never ending "to do" list, and what is even more upsetting is it is not something that you can ever really cross off the list because it all starts over again tomorrow.  Over the years I have struggled with my weight and maintaining an active lifestyle.  I have no one to blame but myself as I am the one responsible for my life choices.  That being said, I know that I work best with structure.  And even though I know I succeed when I have an outward force pushing me and motivating me, it is hard to relinquish that control.  It also needs to be about what I want, and what I am motivated for, rather than just about what other people want for me.

In an effort to find continuous motivation I took to google searching for what has worked for others.  I came across someone who said they put up photos of themselves on the fridge, the pantry, and their mirrors to remind themselves why they are doing the work.  That sounded like a great plan until I thought about how my least flattering pictures would be up in my house for my husband, my friends, and my family to see when they were here!  Uhhh no thank you!  My next thought was "what if I put up pictures of people who have the body I want, like a goal body".  That idea seemed like it might work as I wouldn't have embarrassing photos of myself up AND I could remind myself of the goal.  However, that idea crashed and burned too when I started justifying away my motivation by saying "well I'll never look like Jillian Michaels, she and I have completely different body styles" and my motivation slipped away.

Finally I think I have come up with the plan that will work best for me (fingers crossed anyway).  I have decided to post two pictures up in each place of my house (mirrors, pantry door, fridge, closet).  The first photo will be one from my "glory days" when I thought I looked my best physically.  The second photo will be one of me recently where I thought I looked my best for that time in my life.  Comparing my best at one size to my best at another will keep me from comparing apples to oranges.  It hardly seems motivating to look at ugly photos of yourself.  That would lead to depression, which leads to inactivity (for some people eating happens too), which leads to weight gain, and then starts the vicious cycle all over again.

Goofing around my senior year, 2008.

With my wonderful winter semi-formal date, John, 2006

With my junior prom date, Jon, 2007.

With my best friend in the world, Megan, April 2012

With Aaron before we were engaged, October 2013.

Photo shoot by a friend, November 2014.

Date night out, October 2012.

I am looking at these photos and I feel beautiful in both types photos.  I think it is important to love the person you are at all times because you can't be anyone else other than who you are.  It doesn't matter that I am on a mission to lose weight and get fit again.  I am the person I am each and every day, whether I have lost weight or not, and that person needs to feel loved.  I think I keep withholding love for myself because I am acting as if my life doesn't start until I lose weight, but NEWSFLASH: I have had 24 years of life...I'm in it!  Life doesn't wait for you to reach your goals, and that is something I have struggled to wrap my mind around.  I need to maintain my motivation, but also be happy about who I am every day so I don't end up back in that cycle of starting and stopping.

With this motivation comes good days and bad ones, and that is normal.  The important thing is to push through it when the bad days come and love myself even when I feel like the bottom of the barrel.  Its funny that what is helping me get out the door and be active on days I don't want to is a saying from an old swim coach I had about 13 years ago.  Coach Don would always tell us (usually while we were doing push ups), "are you going to be a Champion or a Chumpion?  Champions make excuses to get better, chumpions just make excuses."  With that being said, I am headed out the door for a jog.  Until then...